If I'd Only Known
An ordinary, busy day had come to an end. After saying my prayers, I rolled over and dozed off, and before I could find a dream, the phone rang. “Hello,” I answered groggily. It was my friend, Sherry. “Sorry to wake you,” she exclaimed. Instinctively, I knew something was wrong. “What is going on?” I hoped it wasn’t something terrible. “I don’t want to upset you, but I need to talk to someone.” I could sense by her voice something was horribly wrong. “John [her three-year-old grandson] was sexually abused today, I can’t sleep,” she blurted out between sobs that were now bubbling up. Horrified I bolted upright in bed, my mind barely grasping what she had said. How could this happen, I thought. I knew her daughter; she was a responsible, conscientious mother. She never left her son with anyone except family members or close friends. I informed her I was wide-awake and that we could talk as long as she needed. The ensuing story was unbelievable, yet I had heard similar stories many times before, not from the grandmother of the victim, but from the victim, who was now an adult. After hanging up the phone, I felt more helpless than ever before. There was nothing I could do except console my friend, her daughter and advise her, “What to do after the damage was done.” The disturbing thought that if this mother could not protect her child, then what mother could—she had done everything right—was seared in my mind. An overwhelming sense of frustration and rage came over me. Weeks later while talking to Kim, the mother of the victim, she implored, “You need to write a book, telling parents how to protect their children. If only I had known…that JM would potentially abuse other children because he was sexually abused, I would never have let John play in the backyard alone with him.” She was right, if only parents knew the fact that sexual abuse is perpetrated, ‘anywhere, anytime, and by someone you least expect,” they could be helpful in preventing abuse or stopping abuse from occurring more than once by the same sex offender. John was more fortunate than most victim’s of sexual child abuse; his mother had taught him the “No Secrets” rule and “your body is yours.” Therefore, he told his mother immediately and she contacted professionals to help her reconcile John’s traumatic experience. The thought of writing a book was the furthest thing from my mind. There are several books regarding prevention of childhood sexual abuse; however, these books fail to arm parents with information to prevent abuse by the most frequent abusers—family members. Statistics reveal that 80 percent of children, who are sexually abused are abused by a family member. Tragically, because a plethora of books promote prevention of abuse outside the family, society understandably believes we do not need to be concerned about someone in the family. Additionally, the majority of news media reports sensationalized stories of abuse by a stranger, we collectively breathe a sigh of relief, believing that it would not happen in our family, neighborhood, school or church. Not so, as my friend’s daughter, Kim knows. It happens in the best of families, when and by whom you least expect. Being a determined woman of conviction, and knowing that parents were not being given accurate information or guidance to protect their children from this horrible crime, I decided to write a book, aptly titled, If I’d Only Known…Sexual Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention. If I’d Only Known…includes: • Six principles to ‘abuse-proof’ your child beginning from birth.
• Detailed profiles of sex offenders
• Checklist for identifying potential sex offenders who have contact with your child—day care workers, coaches, teachers, clergy, scout leaders, recreation leaders and other trusted adults
• What to do if your child alludes to or states they were abused
• Sexual Abuse or Incest Prevention Checklist
• Tips to Choose the Right Daycare Facility
• Interview Questions to select a private Childcare Worker
• Survival Skills for Independence
It is believed that only 29 percent of parents ever discuss sexual abuse prevention with their children. This could be considered child neglect given the some statistic reveal that 62% of girls and 32% of boys are sexually abused by age 18. Not to mention this statistic is considered low because accurate statistics are difficult to assemble for a variety of reasons—not the least of which many families do not know what constitutes sexual abuse and therefore, do not report it. Many of my clients who come for sexual abuse recovery report having told a parent, with the unfortunate outcome, ‘You are lying.” Or, “It isn’t that bad—a lot worse could have happened, you could have been raped.” In the final analysis sex offenders will continue to abuse children as long as society fails to heal the emotional wounds of those who were sexual or physical abuse victims—turned sex offenders—therefore, it is imperative parents teach their child prevention strategies. Dorothy M. Neddermeyer, PhD, author, "If I'd Only Known...Sexual Abuse in or Out of the Family: A Guide to Prevention, specializes in: Mind, Body, Spirit healing and Physical/Sexual Abuse Prevention and Recovery. As an inspirational leader, Dr. Neddermeyer empowers people to view life's challenges as an opportunity for Personal/Professional Growth and Spiritual Awakening. http://www.drdorothy.net |
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